I wanna hold your hand

Published 6:12 pm Friday, January 26, 2024

From the time I could burp, I had an uncanny ability to lose, things — my rattle, my bottle, my Raggedy Ann doll, my diapers my loose tooth.  But, now older, I’m close to holding the Guinness Book of World Records for the most car keys lost.

Other people find my habit irritating so I try to keep my lost things under wraps. I’ve gotten pretty good at discrete searching. Bending and stooping in 1-2-3-4 rhythm gives the impression that I’m exercising. Twisting and turning with earphones in my ears make people think I’m listening to music and practicing a new dance. Walking around the office from desk to desk, straightening things up shows that I’m a friendly and tidy person.

It’s only when none of those tactics work that I have to say, “I can’t find my keys,” and accept the ire of others.

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My friend Annie bought me a key chain with a mid-size teddy bear dressed in an “I love Ohio” knit sweater.

“Now see if you can lose that,” she said. I can.

All of us “girls” are masters of the art of losing things including each other in the shopping mall.

“Do we need to hold hands to the car,” I asked, laughing. My grandmother and her sister used to do that. I’m beginning to understand why.

A few day ago, Sally and I were eating lunch at Zaxby’s and, as we were leaving, “My keys?!!!?”

Sally went into the “oh, my goodness disgusted” state of being. “Why can’t you keep up with those KEYS!”

I went back to the booth and asked the two gentlemen, who had occupied it, to slide out so I could look for my keys. The three of us looked high and low to no avail.

“You probably dropped them in the trash,” Sally said peering into the bin. We pushed open the trash bin flap and pushed around wrappers, chicken bones and opened kitchen packets. We got greasy and “bloody” but all for naught.”

Then, we went through the trash can as discretely as possible but only got a lot looks.

“There’s nowhere else the keys could be!!! You need to keep up with things!!!!!”

The restroom!!!! made a mad rush to the restroom, certain I had left them there even though I not occupied it. But no keys.

Suddenly, Sally pulled my sleeve. “Come on, let’s go! she said, jerking me away from ladies’ room.  “Coooome on!!!”

“We can’t go until I find my keys!!!!!

This time she snatched me so hard I got whiplash. “Come on and don’t say another word!!!” she said dragging me toward the door.

“We’re on MY car!!”

We took hands hoping to find our way to HER car!