Mirror, mirror on the wall

Published 7:03 pm Friday, September 22, 2023

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As soon as Monday comes, I’m going to sue Hampton Inns.

Maybe, I’ll make it a class action lawsuit and include all who have suffered the mental anguish and emotional distress caused by the thoughtless actions of the inn.

It was in the early morning hours and I stepped out of the shower at the Hampton Inn and, shades of Peter Paul Rubens, an old, full-figured woman was in the bathroom with me. Just standing there in her birthday suit.

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I screamed, jumped back in the shower and snatched the curtain closed. I waited, hoping to hear the door open and close. Surely, that old woman had mistakenly wandered into my bathroom. I thought I had locked the door. Maybe it was the chambermaid. She would have had a room key. I should have hung the “Do Not Disturb” sign on the knob. I waited and listened.

Surely, she had gone.

I pulled back the shower curtain just enough to peek out. She was gone. It was safe to get out of the shower.

I stepped out, looked up and there she was again. Standing there in plain view. But, something about her was a bit familiar. Some of her was not.

I squinted my eyes to get a better look. I squawked, “It’s me! It’s me, oh, Lord. Standing in the need of prayer.”

Whatever did they mean! Those Hampton Inn folks. Putting a mirror “built four-square” on the bathroom wall – to reflect bathers when they stepped boldly out of the shower. And it was one of those carnival mirrors that distorts things. I’d never seen anything like it.

Don’t those hotel folks know that AARP girls cannot “bare” to step out of the shower and be stripped of all their dignity and lose all of their self-esteem?

Don’t they know what mental anguish that can cause? What emotional distress? What is wrong with those people!

I wrapped myself in humiliation and logged a complaint at the front desk. I asked to be moved to a room without a carnival mirror. The lady was polite and made a very helpful suggestion. “All of our bathrooms have wall mirrors. They cannot be removed. You might want to put on a robe before you step out of the shower … or turn off the light.”

Those harsh and sarcastic words can and will be used against the establishment in a court of law.

I’ve just got to find a lawyer to take my case.