What the Hellmann’s?

Published 5:07 pm Friday, February 17, 2023

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Ladies and gentlemen; boys and girls, cats and dogs!

I know I am not hip.

I don’t text; I don’t Facebook; I don’t have an iPhone

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I drive a stick-shift and my “television set” is 21 inches and I have ice trays in my refrigerator.

I am content but I know what my granddaddy would say, “This ol’ world has passed me on by” and, as Loretta Lynn sang, “I don’t feel at home in this world anymore.”

And never were those sentiments as evident as during Super Bowl LVII.

I was tuned in and ready.

Sports are the only thing on television that you don’t know the outcome. So, I watch a lot of sports, even golf.

But, there is no hype before, during or after sport that can equal the Super Bowl –the commercials, the halftime show and, then, The Game! which seldom lives up to expectations. However, Super Bowl LVII was exciting … but, in the end, my “feathers” fell.

I didn’t watch any commentary leading up to the game. Predictions are meaningless and a waste of time. None of the hoopla interests me and I don’t know any of the entertainers so I swept the porch, fed the cat and took the phone off the hook so I wouldn’t be interrupted during the game.

The Philadelphia Eagles were leading 24-14 at halftime. I felt confident, so, I watched the halftime show, I wanted to see the “commercials” that carried price tags up to $7 million for every 30 seconds of airtime.

I should have taken an Alka-Seltzer, oh, what a relive it would have been.

The millions spent on the M&Ms would have made been better spent on The Flintstones. 

A dog food commercial was about a young woman and a puppy with a forever kind of love. It was sweet and, perhaps, sold a few bags of dog food.

One commercial I couldn’t figure out was why a woman had her face stuck to a glass door or why another woman was pulling and stretching chewing gum out of her mouth.

The commercial about a camper parked in a desert had something to do with popcorn. An important-looking man in a Canali–like suit was duplicated until he faded into Neverland.

But the most ridiculous commercial of Super Bowl LVII, featured two grown men standing inside a refrigerator talking to a jar of Hellmann’s Mayonnaise!

Having more money than sense seems to be commercially contagious these days.