This Christmas, you can’t go wrong with anything bacon

Published 11:27 pm Tuesday, December 22, 2015

I once went to one of those Dirty Santa parties, grabbed an old 8-track of KC & The Sunshine Band and threw it in a Christmas bag. Turns out, the guy that won it was thrilled to death. He drove an old box truck at work with an 8-track player and actually admitted that he missed the disco era. I think I gave away Guess Who and Steppenwolf CD’s the next year. Merry Christmas. That winner was not as enthusiastic.

I never know what to get anyone for Christmas. I once bought a beautiful wine rack for a girl I later discovered did not drink. Don’t know what became of the wine rack… or the girl.

The dog is usually happy if I just bring home a tasty bone. But then again, the dog is just as happy if I toss a cracker her way. Therefore, wrapping it up just means more mess to clean.

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I wish it was as easy with people. I looked up this year’s popular and out-of-the-ordinary gifts. Did you know you can buy slippers with USB ports? If you plug them into a computer, the slippers automatically warm up. I’m thinking something terribly wrong is going to happen and these items will be pulled from the shelves by mid-January.

There’s the ugly Christmas sweater fad going on, but thanks to not bringing home enough bones for the dog, I have plenty of ugly regular shirts – and pants – sitting around the house. When having holes in dress shirts and pants comes into style, I am set.

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