Oh, pretty man, just walk on by

Published 12:00 am Wednesday, May 17, 2000

Features Editor

Until women marched in legions to liberate themselves, the only hope they had to get in the catbirds’s seat was to twist their arms into such a contortion that they could kiss their elbows and turn themselves into men.

Several accounts of such a feat happening have never been validated, although rumor has it that one exercise guru did, in fact, do such a thing.

Sign up for our daily email newsletter

Get the latest news sent to your inbox

However, there has been a flurry of flap in Pike County in the last few days that several local men, on a double dog-dare, did kiss their elbows, and, "Sha-zam!" turned themselves into the prettiest, sexiest foxes on the face of the earth.

According to a source close to the pretty men, all have been pleading, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of us all." But the mirror has been perplexed at their stunning beauty and can’t reach a decision.

Chellie Phillips, chairperson of the beauty pageant planned for Friday night at Relay for Life, made an announcement late yesterday that is an indication that truth is often stranger than fiction.

Phillips would not confirm that several men have turned themselves into wow-wow- women and quarreling over who is the most beautiful among them. However, Phillips did say that pageant is being billed as Miz Relay rather than Miss Relay.

"Sometimes pageant contestants know when they are outclassed and this is what has happened," Phillips said. "We have several entries that are absolute knockouts. I mean, you won’t believe your eyes. You can’t take your eyes off them. Nobody would want to be on the stage with them."

Phillips stopped short of calling the pageant a "womanless" beauty contest but she did say "There are no women in the contest any longer."

The Miz Relay Pageant will be held on stage at Relay for Life Friday night immediately following the luminary service.

Each Relay team is invited to enter one of its pretty men in the contest.

There is no entry fee for the "womanless beauty contest.

"All it takes to enter is guts," Phillips said.

Any man who would like to enter the contest but does have a sponsor may call Chellie Phillips at 566-2060 and she’ll find him one. Relay teams are encouraged to hog-tie a pretty boy if they haven’t already corralled one.

"We hope every team will participate," Phillips said. "The beauty pageant is going to be a sight for sore eyes."