Whoever said “Build a better mousetrap and the world with beat a path to your door,” should have kept his trap shut.

There’s no way to build a “better” mousetrap than the one that’s baited with cheese so, when the hungry little mouse comes sniffing along, the trap snaps and you’ve “caught” the rat.

But, in today’s world inventors are finding was to build a better mousetrap. My apologies to the PETA people but I do not like rats, not even tiny little mice. So, when I saw something out of the corner of my eye that I thought might be a mouse, I called pest control fully expecting the exterminator to put out some bait that would remedy the situation. However, when I got home that night, I noticed white, slick-shiny pieces of cardboard in the broom closet, the pantry and at several places around the house. But I didn’t have time to give much thought to what I saw. My mind was on the bacon and tomato sandwich I was craving for supper.

I kicked off my shoes, grabbed a book and sat down at the table to eat and read. On getting up, I stepped on one of those white, slick-shiny pads on the floor. When I tried to step off, the ball of my foot and my five toes were stuck. I tried to shake the pad off my foot but it wouldn’t shake loose. I sat down to pull the pad off but it was glued to me foot. I stood back up and shook my foot and the pad flapped and flapped but stayed stuck on my toes.

After and hour of trying to remove the mousetrap from my toes, I gave up on the pliers, the Vaseline, the WD-40, cooking oil and olive oil. I got the scissors and trimmed the pad right next to where it was stuck on my foot so I could walk without flapping. Then I asked the Lord for his guidance. I could not go around for the rest of my life with a mousetrap stuck to my foot. I wouldn’t be able to wear shoes. My foot would get cold. I would look silly and people might laugh. The Lord does answers prayers. I had a revelation.

I went to the bathroom, filled an enamel bedpan – an antique of sorts – with steaming hot water and a whole bottle of liquid soap and floated a bar of Ivory. I sat there in the bathroom on the toilet with my foot soaking in the water until after midnight. That’s when I was set free. I was free at last!

The next morning, I pulled out my small ice chest from the pantry and a mouse pad was stuck and holding on fast. The ice chest would not fit in the bedpan so I took it to the garbage can. Later, in the day, I reached for the mop and, there hanging on, was a mouse pad rendering the mop useless.

Now, I’m going to send letter to pest control and ask for compensation for the pain and suffering caused by the mousetrap and for the cost of the ice chest and the mop.

I’m also starting at petition to stop the production of better mousetraps. Those white, shiny, sticky, never-let-loose mouse pads are cruel and unusual punishment, even for a mouse.